The First Few Days ~ Waiting for the Big Reveal Part 1

I’m in this room with all the other babies, but I’m in a special corner.  I guess my face is still a bit messed up and they don’t want me scaring the other parents.  I haven’t been taken to my Mother yet, but I hear she’s been asking about me. Another day or so they say.  The Doctor from yesterday was in to see me this morning. Smoothed my face around a bit. He doesn’t seem too concerned and says that in another few days his adjustments will hold.  I have overheard the Nurses talking; my Mother’s not taking things too well.

At least she has her Mother, my Grandmother with her to keep her company and comfort her; I’m all alone!  I’ve listened to everyone talking; trying to learn more about where we are. We’re in the United States now, in New York, in the Bronx, at the Children’s Hospital. My Grandmother must live near here. I haven’t met her yet; I haven’t met anyone except the Doctors & Nurses.

I’ve been looking for “him” but I haven’t found him yet.  I don’t like it here. I wish he was here with me; at least then it would be bearable.  Where is he??

“You’ll find him when the time is right.”

“Oh sure, what does that mean? I thought he promised he’d be here waiting.”

“You mis-understood. He’ll be here, when you need him, when you are ready for him, and not a moment sooner.”

“Can’t I just go back? Do I have to stay here? I really don’t like this place.”


Here comes one of the nurses…..

“Hello you cute little redhead! How is my little sweetie today?  Oh, look at that sweet little smile! Oh you precious little thing!” She’s gently caressing my face. “Oh, that bad, bad tumor! What a mess it made of you. But it’s ok little Lynda, we’re going to fix you up just fine.  The Doctor’s done a great job, you’re beautiful, don’t you worry!” Now she’s changing me. No, she’s undressed me, but now she’s carrying me somewhere naked! “Don’t you worry Miss Lynda, I just need to slip you on the scale,” she whispers to me. “Things were in such a panic yesterday when they cut you out or your Mother, I forgot to weigh you! Don’t tell anyone!”

She’s being so sweet to me, I really want to like this woman. But was she the one who fainted yesterday? And she forgot to weigh me. How good at her job can she be; I mean, isn’t there like a routine they follow when babies are born? Don’t they have a checklist they have to follow?! I hope she doesn’t drop me!

Whispering again, “Seven pounds, twelve ounces! That’s a nice healthy weight! You see, little girl, they told us it was a dead birth.  You were alive in there!” She starts chuckling quietly to me, “That was so funny, when the Doctor lifted the tumor out, and there you were, and you moved! The Doctor jumped and that silly Assistant let out a squeak and fainted! I wasn’t ready at all; I forgot to write your time of birth down, forgot to weigh you, what a mess! But you are so totally worth it little girl, so totally worth it.  Look at you, watching me with those brown eyes of yours. What a sweetie you are!

Lynda, that’s my name?! I thought she was going to name me Merry! I don’t start crying but I’m having a hard time containing my sadness. I remember hearing the discussions.  The holiday Christmas is sometime soon, and I thought she had decided to name me Merry in honor of the holiday. Instead, she has named me after herself.  I comfort myself by sucking on my index and middle fingers.

“It’s ok, we know the name disappoints you, but this is what it is.”

“I want ‘Merry’ for my name! What a great name that is! This is a difficult life, I want a happy name!

“Yes, we understand. And we understand that you’ll think it’s all about her ego, which, at the moment, it is. When you understand the bigger picture though, you’ll be ok, happy even.”

“No way I’ll be happy with her going around introducing us as ‘Lyn & Lynda!’ No! I don’t like this woman; I want to go home!”

“Do you remember you are here to do something? You are here on a mission. You are to become a lamp to the world, a light and leader. You play a major role, the name is part of it. It’ll be ok, trust us.”

I console myself by sucking on my fingers. No point in crying, won’t do any good.  I suck my fingers and wait. This now is ok; the nurses are nice and take good care of me. I am dreading meeting my Mother, but I don’t think about that. I try to stay right here, focused in the moment, trying to glean some comfort and happiness. I comfort myself thinking about my Soul Mate, who is out there somewhere; I’ll find him soon, surely……

Thank you for your time, Dear Reader!
❤ LAMP ❤

P.S. I welcome your comments and questions!

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The First Few Days – I’m a Hot Mess

I thought they were rushing me out of the room, but instead, they are just rushing me across the room to a special table.  They’re stitching her up since they had to cut her open to get me out.  From what I can hear, she’s fine. I, however, am apparently a real mess.  The tumor pressed on a side of my skull and half of my face appears smushed. They’ve called a specialist. They’re just cleaning me up, making me comfortable, they’re afraid to touch my head. Good grief.

As one of the nurses is gently wiping my eyes, I open my lids a little to peek out. Except for that first moment when I dared to look for “him,” my soul mate who is meeting me here, I’ve had my eyes closed. That little peep and the scream were enough for me.  The voices were right, it’s really bright out here after being in the dark for so long.

“This isn’t right. No way.” I hear one of the nurses say.

“Why, what’s wrong?” someone one else asks. She’s gently wiping my face and I open my eyes a bit wider to look at her.

“She’s got lovely brown eyes, how unusual with her bright red hair!”

“Really? Brown eyes? Well, that’s not the only thing unusual thing about it!” someone chortles.

“What are you laughing about?’ someone else asks.

At that moment someone enters the room in a rush and is suddenly at my side. “Oh, hello Doctor,” one of the nurses says as she makes room for this rather giant of a man to get close to me.  He begins to gently push on my head; he’s working all around where the tumor was.  It doesn’t hurt, but it doesn’t feel good either. I don’t fuss; I know this is my fault in the first place, so I take my due.  I hear my guardian angels whispering in the background; I guess he’s doing good work.

“What time was she born,” the Doctor working on me asks.”

“Oh shoot!” exclaims one of the nurses, “I forgot to write it down! We weren’t ready for a live birth! We thought the fetus was dead. “

“Why was that?” the Doctor asks.

“The tumor was blocking her pre-natal doctor from hearing the baby’s heartbeat. She’s been living at her Mother’s for 2 weeks waiting for the baby to arrive. She kept saying the due date was several weeks ago, but based on this little girl’s weight, she seems on target.” The nurse lowers her voice and whispers “We think she had an affair; there’s a good chance this baby’s right on time. That tumor confused things. In addition to messing up her precious little head!”

Finally, he stops and steps back to admire his handiwork. “There,” he says, “Good as new! I’ll be back tomorrow to check on her. Don’t show her to the Mother yet; let’s wait a few days, or at least until tomorrow. I’ll sign off when she’s ready.”

One of the nurses moves back in and starts wiping me off again, also admiring his work. “Yes, Doctor, she’s ok isn’t she?  Lovely, just lovely. Great job, Doctor!.”  And with that, he was off, as quickly as he had arrived.

Oh thank you, Heaven Above, I think to myself. What had I been thinking?! Well, no matter, I sure dodged that one though.  I am very aware I had help. Lots of help.

Now it was just me and the two nurses.  Everyone working on my mother and she, are gone. As they are working on me, cleaning and then dressing me in a little snuggly and wrapping me tight in a blanket, they whispered.

“What was that Dr. laughing about, saying that wasn’t the only unusual thing?” the one nurse asked.

“Oh,” glancing around, making sure they were alone, “I think he thinks the mom must have had an affair.”

“What makes him think that?!

“She has a photograph she carries of her and her husband; they both have blue eyes. Very blue, very light. Both of them.”

“But, this little girl has brown eyes. How is that possible.”

“Right, hence the Doctor’s remarks. The Mom must have had an affair; that’s the only way.”

All the while, I’ve been listening. I remember something about this from when I was still inside her.  It’s all tangled up with the lies; all her lies about my due date and all that! Now I understand! I close my eyes and ask for my Angels to come. I immediately feel them with me.

“We’re here. How are you? What can we do for you?”

“What about what these nurses have talked about? What’s the deal with the brown eyes? I remember something, but not enough. I don’t understand.”

“It isn’t really important, except that eventually, it will become important to you.  At that point, if your eyes are blue, you’ll lose your way. You’ll lose your confidence. You’ll abandon your mission, or at least there’s a risk. So, we had to make sure you had brown eyes, and your Mother blew that when she married your Dad.”

“But why is it important; why do I care?”

“One of the things that makes you ideal for your mission is you are incredibly smart, and inquisitive.  You wonder about everything.  It’s what makes it easy for you to grasp the true reality of reality, or perhaps better stated, lack of reality. You officially learn of the affair from your Mother when you are about nine, and then through your Biology class you learn that the stories she’s been telling you are true. Genetically, it’s not possible for your parents to have produced you. From the time you’re 13, you know that your Dad is not your dad.  Years later, many years, at a rather critical time, you learn that blue eyes are a mutation; they are actually no color at all. If you dissect a brown eye, you find the color brown inside.  If you dissect a blue eye, you find no color. What happens is at a critical time in the unfolding of the Grand Plan, of which you play a key role, you hear a scientific report about eye color, and what causes the differences in colors. Originally we all had brown eyes. Then someone had the idea of changing our design, and there were suddenly people with blue eyes. Sadly there was a time in recent history when people had a war over eye color. Your role is so key, you would not feel a part of the greater whole, even though you still would be. We are all one, all part of the same larger whole. Your eye color in the Grande Scheme of things, is meaningless.  Like I said, this is all just for you, to help reassure you.”

“Won’t everyone know?”

“Know what?”

“Won’t everyone know that my Dad’s not my dad? That my mother is a….is an adulteress? ”

“Well…….er…….ah……….yes, we suppose……some. Some will raise their eyebrows, but most won’t ever realize they are your parents.”

“Wait a minute! WHAT???? Why???? I KNEW I didn’t want this host, what a mess!”

“Oh calm down, you’re always so dramatic (you get that from your genitic father by the way)! Your parents are on the old side for having kids; your Mother is going to turn 40 in February, just 2 months from now.  Most people are going to look at her and them, and think they’re your Grandparents, so don’t worry so much.”

“Others will know; my teachers, parents of my friends” I said pouting.

“Oh don’t worry so much! Who cares what other people think! You need to get that through your head, you know.  You are on a mission, an assignment, a job to do. Just stay focused on that. Everything else will always work out. Just have faith. We’re always here, making sure.”

I take a deep breath down into my belly and exhale slowly. I know they’ve taken off, leaving me here alone to deal with my situation. It’s a lot to absorb and think about. It’s not really pertinent to the moment I guess unless of course my Dad is a smart man and knows his biology. Hmm, let’s see, what do I know about him again? Oh, that’s right, he’s an Engineer on the oil fields in Saudi Arabia.  Gee, pretty good chance he’s going to know.  Wonder how that’s going to go?  She’s going to have some explaining to do…….Oh, well that might be fun!

“Well, time to take this little one down to the maternity ward.”

“Oh, wait! Shoot, shoot, shoot! I forgot this paperwork! What time was she born!?! What time is it now? How long has it been?”

“Just write this time.”

“But that’s not right; she’s been here for a while now…..has it been a half hour?”

“I don’t know, just pick a time! I want to go! It’s after 5pm, I’m out of here!”

“Ok, ok! Um….4:42, that’s what I’ll use!  It might have been earlier than that, maybe 4:32pm maybe even 4:24pm; I’m just not sure. Has it been that long?”

“I don’t know! Write down 4:42pm! Good, now let’s go!”

I drift off to sleep as they carry me to the room where all the other babies are. What was all that about with the time of birth, I wondered. We arrive in a room full of babies. Wow, what a fussy lot this is……how am I ever going to rest and think in here!?  Then it wasn’t an issue after all because I fell into a deep sleep.

Until Next Time Dear Reader,
❤ LAMP ❤

P.S. I welcome your comments and questions!

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In the Womb…..Part 6 … Into the Light

“Hey, hello….hey, look alive here!”

“Huh? What? What’s going on?”

“It’s show time! Get ready, time’s come!”

“Oh, come on! How many times to I have to say this? I’m NOT going! Are you kidding me?! I was just watching something! I was 58 or so, maybe 58 1/2 and I was having some conversation with this woman (this woman being the one I was currently living within!). I was saying I was sorry “for my hand in it.” What the hell happens?”

“Well, get, ready, you’re about to find out!”

“Oh crap…..Seriously?  This does not seem like it’s any fun at all! I thought it was ‘Heaven on Earth!’ That’s what we’re supposed to do, right? Create Heaven on Earth. I remember that from the training sessions.  Fifty eight years old apologizing to this horrible woman; sure doesn’t seem like any Heaven on Earth I ever heard about.”

“This will be difficult,” they say, “we can all see she’s succumbed to Gravity in a Big way.  She’s very lost, very negative. She’s forgotten everything, which is a shock, and a shame. We thought because of her incredible IQ she’d remember everything, or at least some, enough to help. Her current condition is troubling, but there’s no turning back now.”

“All I can hope for is I am so ugly she rejects me.”

“Isn’t going to happen; although thanks to that tumor you’ve grown, you are a real hot mess at the moment!”

“Maybe I’ll get to die on my way to the light.”

“No, I can tell you, that isn’t going to happen. I don’t think that you’ll go to the light via the canal ~ the tumor is in the way; they’re going to come in for you. When they do that, the flood of light will be overwhelming, and very sudden.”

“I’ll just hold my breath instead of breathing, that’ll take care of things.”

“Not happening! You’ve got a Mission! Anyway, back to the light and birth issue. Passing through the  canal is part of the “forgetting” process most babies go through. It’s a horrible invention, this human birth process.  It just seems to have delayed our progress, accomplishment of the overall mission made almost impossible. We’re glad you’ve agreed to remember. Now that you’ll be entering the light manually it will make the remembering easier; it’s such a less traumatic process. Just remember don’t try to open your eyes right away; let them get ready for a while.”

“Will He, be there, waiting for me?”

“He’ll be there when you need him; when you’re really ready. There will always be someone. We’re everywhere; there will always be someone watching, helping. Remember, no fear; never be afraid. Everything is always perfect, we’re taking care of you. It will easy to forget this, and you must not! You must always remember, it will be what gets you through. There is never anything to fear. Have faith, always. Remember to talk to us; tell us what you’re needing. We’ll help.”

“I don’t want to go.”

“You must! You are the LAMP who shows the way; you and others will make up a team of luminaries who bring this information forward.”

“Are you sure I have to do this; did I really sign up for this? You’re absolutely, certain?”

I could feel the warm smile, and the flush and rush of Love. I feel arms wrap around me in a bear hug and I feel a chin on the top of my head; rubbing my Crown Chakra and a warm glow emanating from the top of my head. I feel transported and my heart feels as if it will burst with happiness and love; the Euphoria is bliss.

I am riding this wave of Love and Bliss; I am one with all; everything undulating, every fibre of my being is one with all other fibres. We are all light, all one, all a rainbow of light.

Then, suddenly, light every where, but only around the edges. It’s the tumor; then the next few minutes are a total blur, suddenly the light was everywhere, not just around the edges! They’d removed the tumor. I tried opening an eye, I heard a woman scream and then alot of scuffling.

Now, I’m moving swiftly, up. I don’t cry; are you kidding me?! I’m speechless! I’ve scanned this crowd and I’m instantly crushed. Not a soul I recognize.  He’s not here.

Listening to them, I realize the damage I’ve done with my tumor. I’m whisked away, to “be fixed.”

She is asleep and knows nothing. I wonder what will happen when she wakes up. At first I thought she was the one who screamed but it was a nurse. They were expecting a still birth. I must have scared the crap out of her!

“Have no fear,” they said. I feel afraid, but I will myself to be Brave. “Everything is always perfect,” they said. This doesn’t feel perfect…….I know I am not perfect; I can hear it in their voices.

“Oh God, what have I done? God, Universe, Source, please help me, Please Help Me!?”

Oh boy, what a way to start a life…….what was I thinking?!……….

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In the Womb……Part 5

We’re here in the Bronx; we’ve been here a while. She has had to keep the charade about my due date up, even still. The real date is coming up, I’m getting close, I can tell, but she’s been talking as if I should have been here a long time ago! I don’t like coming into the world among all these lies; and as we’ll see later, it really messed up my head for a long time.

The tumor has continued to grow. I stopped working on it a while ago, but once you set something into motion, it can take on a life of its own. I nestle behind it, and I’ve gotten into a comfortable ball. Not comfortable, but as comfortable as possible under the circumstances. My claustrophobia is the worst it’s ever been; I am crazy if I allow myself to focus on my situation. I want to flail my arms and legs and push out from every direction; that would blow my “dead” act, so I refrain myself with all my will. I spend most of my time in my mantra world, keeping myself calm.

She went to the Doctor here in the Bronx. It’s been a while now. They’re waiting. I guess there’s some “magic moment” and I’m supposed to work my way out of this hell hole.  Well, there’s no way that’s happening now! Not with this tumor in the way, even if I wanted to, which I don’t.  The Doctor had a hard time hearing my heartbeat. Told her it sounded weak and “there might be something wrong with the baby.” I forgot they would also weigh her.  She’s continued to gain weight, which is messing with my “dead” act. If I were dead she wouldn’t be gaining weight. Unless she was just being piggy.

“You need to get ready.”

“I don’t need to get ready; I’m not going.”

“Look, we have time to go through this one more time, if you want a review.”

“I’m not going.”

“Yes. Yes you are. The Universe is counting on you; we’re counting on you! You’re not alone, and you won’t ever be alone! We’ll always be here with you, all you ever need to do is just ask and we’re right here. Never forget that; it would be your only doom. You must not forget.”

“Ok, ok, ok! We’ve been over this a million times!”

“Remember, there are others; when the time comes, there will be many others who will help bring the message forward.”

“Good, so if there are so many others, let me out of this and I’ll go back and find a better match. I do not like this host; do not like her at all!!!”

“Well, figure it out; spend your time praying. There’s nothing to do and you can not change hosts at this point; this whole time thing is tricky and everything is in place, there’s no going back now and changing things. Besides you need her. She’s smarter than you are and there are not many like that.

“AAAAGGGGGGG!!!!!!!! Why? Why? Why? Why me? Why this mission, this assignment? Why? It seems impossible.”

“What makes you special is you are smart, extremely smart, and it will take the smartest to understand all the science, history, spirituality and successfully put it all together and then convey it to others.  This species must develop; they must change their DNA and elevate, some will call it evolve, but it’s not that. You have help show people how to develop what they already have to take advantage of their innate  ability to manifest all that they need. They have forgotten they are all one; they are all source, they are all divine substance. Everything is one, connected, everything is a result of thought and thought is all. Something has gone dreadfully wrong with our experiment and some how this species has forgotten everything they came here knowing.  It will take smart leaders to show the way back to Oneness. Duality and polarity have interfered with the energy of spirit; the effects of gravity have influenced and increased the effects of duality and polarity, significantly”

“Zzzzzzzzzzzzz. I’ve heard this already, blah, blah, blah. I still don’t understand why ME?!”

“Why you? It’s ‘this.”


“This right here; you are going to remember this. Babies forget everything. We’ve discovered, that’s part of the problem.  This whole “Let’s create Heaven on Earth, so we can experience all the beauty and creation,” has not gone as we thought! It’s been a bit of a nightmare.  The Universe is all about LOVE; it is “UNI-VERSE” after all! Uni = ONE. We didn’t realize taking physical form would have such a dramatic effect on our unity. “Darned gravity,” that’s what you always say.”

“Lots of us say that. I’m still not getting why me.”

“You volunteered.”

When I heard those words, the hair on the back of my neck, if I’d had them, would have stood up. I goosebumps covered me, yes, even in the womb. I realized with dread that yes, I had in fact volunteered. I had not suspected when I did, that my host would be such a distasteful energy. I HAD volunteered, I remember! Oh, it IS important, now that I focus on the mission and not my miserable mother….it’s all important.  It is the difference between Humanity achieving Enlightenment, evolving our concepts beyond the duality and polarity. We’ve already had an Atlantis; we failed miserably in that world and it should serve an example to this one, but that hasn’t worked either. My personal theory has always been that it’s been gravity. All that exists in the Universe, we, Mind, created. Well, that’s a tricky business, even if we are all one, all-knowing. We figured out a way to keep things from flying off into space; we didn’t test it out first though, we just implemented it. We’re all one so there’s no one to blame but ourselves; all of us.

Oh, now I remember! We, all Source, were conferring, vibrating, meditating on how to bring Unity to Earth, which would, in turn, bring Peace.  Unity of Universal Source will restore our personal ability to manifest what we need and will end poverty; it will bring Global Equality. It will end all fear, for if we can each manifest all that we need, what is there to fear?

I remember the pitch made of needing smart, personable, funny, intelligent, quick to learn, hard-working, dedicated volunteers to take part in the Ultimate Peace and Unity Movement. We love us; we must fix this mess We must Save the Earth. Many expected me to take part; I could feel the pressure, the importance, of the mission.  Then my soul mate nudged me and said:

“Let’s go, let’s do this. It’ll be fun. I know you can do it. I’ll go and support you.”

“Really? You’d do that?”

“Oh, baby, for you, I’d do anything, you know that.”

“Really? Seriously?!”

“Yes, yes, yes!!!”

“OK, I’ll volunteer. But I want you waiting there for me, ok? The second I’m out of here! Oh, I can’t wait to hug you in the flesh!! It such a great experiment, just for that, the ability to hug!”

“You know it doesn’t work that way. I’ll be there when you really need me, and not before. Before there will be others to guide you along the way and help you. You’ll always have support.”

“This is big. A lot of responsibility. Are you sure?”

“Absolutely!” he said, and with that I knew.

It all rushed back into my mind, all the conversations, all the plans. There will be many of us who will all emerge at “the right time” whenever that is. It’s not clear to me how we’ll know when that is, but everyone says not to worry about that. I’ll know, they say.

I wish I’d remembered about him before growing this tumor. I wonder what damage I’ve done?! No answers came, so I focused on the comfort that all is always as it is and that no matter what, I’d be ok. Any day now, sigh. Ready or not……

Thank you, Dear Reader, until next time,
With Great Love, Namaste’
❤ LAMP ❤

P.S. I welcome your comments and questions.

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In the Womb…..Part 4

Something’s happening. We’re going somewhere. I’m not sure how much ‘time’ has passed; this tumor has gotten large and I’m having problems. Voices kept telling me to “turn around, turn around,” so I did. Come to find out they meant to turn around head to foot, not front to back, so now it’s a real mess.  The tumor is in the way and now I’m face planted facing her back. I know, I should be upside down because the voices keep telling me that; but there’s nothing I can do now, and besides, I’m dead, or trying, so leave me alone! Being upside down like a bat doesn’t sound good anyway; I’m kind of glad I’m stuck upright. And I guess it’s better having my face away from the tumor instead of my nose buried in it.

It’s so crowded, hot and uncomfortable I’ve been elsewhere for a while; but now she’s on the move somewhere… I wonder where we’re going? Urgh, I can’t see their methods of travel, but I hate that sinking feeling, whatever that thing is. You see, since there really isn’t any such thing as what you call time, every life you know about and every life you’ve forgotten, every year of history, in addition to every year of the future, is all happening now.  It’s hard to explain, but while I’m here having this nightmare of a pre-life with her, I’m also lots of other places having those lives.  It’s kind of like a 3D game of tic-tac-toe, only bigger and more complicated.  We’ll talk about this whole time thing in more detail later. I have other things on my mind.

Ok, so now we’re bumping around… stopped.  Walking, oh, I recognize that voice! We’re at the Doctor’s office! This will be interesting! Must try not to move……quiet, quiet, shhhhhh.

I hear I’m still making her sick to her stomach; the Doctor says this is unusual, but not abnormal……’s awfully quiet out there all of a sudden. She thinks something might be wrong. This is the last checkup before we fly back to the United States. The Doctor doesn’t sound happy. He doesn’t want her to fly. Oh, YES! He said he can hardly hear my heartbeat! The tumor is working! He thinks she should stay in Beirut. No, she won’t she says. She wants to go home; besides I will be born in the U.S., it’ll be easier for me, she says. She wasn’t going to fly for another few weeks; she’ll move the flight up and go as soon as possible. OK, he says. He doesn’t like it, but she’s strong-willed and will do what she wants anyway.

We head home. She makes a number of phone calls. She sounds worried but determined. We will leave, first thing in the morning. Neither of my fathers will be available to see her off. That does not make her happy. When she is not happy, neither am I.

Till Next time…..

Thank you, Dear Reader,
With Great Love, Namaste’
❤ LAMP ❤

P.S. I welcome your comments and questions.

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In The Womb…..Part 3

There’s something going on out there….some lie she’s telling… SEE! Is this any way to start a life? Knowing your Mother is a liar?!

“She had to do that, she doesn’t even know why; you can’t have blue eyes.”

“What difference does that make?!”

“It is not important; you need to have brown eyes and be half Arab.”

“Oh come on; I’m already a freak! You expect me to go through life remembering everything when no one else does, and somehow I’m going to know “the perfect time” to tell everyone what they’ve forgotten AND I’m a red-headed half-Arab with two blue-eyed parents?! Everyone will know from the moment they look at me! Talk about not thinking something all the way through!”

“Oh calm down; you’re so dramatic!”

“I’m stand up comedian! You know that! Oh no, I can’t have a life where I get to do that; I must have “a mission!” “Something ‘important’ to do!” bah! Leave me alone!”

I grew more tumor; time passed. I listened to a lot of inane, mundane, conversation about the colors of the nursery and the furniture; they were sure making a fuss. Won’t it be a surprise when I don’t come home with her!

Listening to a lot of superficial conversation and my Mother trying to one-up the other women. So lost, so deluded. I do not like this woman.

To pass time, when I wasn’t working on the tumor, without even knowing what I was doing, I’d pray. I’d pray for answers, I’d pray to understand, I’d pray for guidance. I’d pray for help.

I’d also pray for release, I’d pray to go “home,” I’d pray to die because I was so unhappy, felt so lost; it all felt like a horrible mistake back in the beginning.

As we know, dying, at least then, was not in the cards.

Out there, my Mother was preparing to fly us back to the United States so she could have me there. She was living in Beirut, Lebanon, and at least she had the good sense to return to the U.S. to have me! What a hassle it would have been, all my life, but especially after 9/11, if I’d been born in Lebanon.

She’s going to stay with her Mother in Parkchester, in The Bronx, NY, while waiting for me to arrive. She’s leaving both her men behind. What a great way to start a life, I’m thinking. Good thing I have this dandy tumor to hide behind!

Until next time…..

Thank you, Dear Reader,
With Great Love, Namaste’
❤ LAMP ❤

P.S. I apologize for the lack of photos or graphics; I will add graphics as time allows; for the time being the important thing is to get it written.

P.P.S. I welcome your comments and questions!

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In the Womb Part 2…..

Growing the tumor took great concentration; delighted I was when I realized I was successful! There it was, starting, a small chunk of “matter,” here in the dark with me! Now I just had to make it larger….big enough to hide behind…..concentrating…..concentrating……….

I heard a deep, friendly voice chuckle and say:

“You’re not supposed to practice those skills now! You’re supposed to wait till you get there.”

“I’m not going.”

“What do you mean you’re not going; of course you are! You agreed! Everything is all set up! Others have been staging for years on that side for crying out loud! You can’t bail out now. It’s a whole movement; you’re a part of it! They need you!”

“I’m not ready; this is too much! I’m a freak! I’ve been thinking about it; about her! Can you imagine what life will be like?!”

“Of course I can! She’s necessary; she’ll teach you what you need to know. She’s the best one for the job; we’ve been through this….Come on, leave that tumor alone. That’s not going to solve anything and you’re going to mess your face up.”

“No…..listen! I heard them talking! If they can’t hear my heartbeat they’ll think I’m dead!”


“Well, they’ll leave me alone! I can go back, study up some more; maybe we can find a better Mother…..I’m not ready….”

“There’s no time to go back, and your plan won’t work! You’re just making it harder for yourself!”

“Why not? Why won”t it work?”

“Because they’ll just come in there and get you!.”

“Na, they don’t know how to do that……do they?”

“You’ve just forgotten, it’s part of what happens; I’m pretty sure that’s the effects of gravity we talked about. Yes, they are quite advanced medically now. They’ll cut her open, take you and the tumor out.”

“Will she die?!” I’m trying not feel glee; it’s not proper, but it would make me more willing to attempt this mission.

“No, that’s not the plan….You NEED her! For goodness sake, don’t kill yourself with that thing! We are not starting this over yet again; we’ve tried already several times, as you know!………….It’ll be ok! There are others out there, waiting; others you will find along the way. They’ll help. They’ll be there for you. We’re all here for you. When you need us, just pray. You can do this! You must do this!”

“Oh, leave me alone; let me get some rest. My claustrophobia is kicking in, I need to concentrate on calming myself. I do not like this hot dark place, and there’s hardly enough room in here for me, much less that thing.”

“Just give it up. It isn’t going to help! I’ll check in with you later. Try to focus on the mission. Remember, we’re still not sure how it will unfold. This whole Duality thing is a nightmare!”

The voice fades away, muttering to itself something like “who knew, who knew………”

I vaguely recall something about how things started out good, and then they went wrong. That’s what this is all about; that’s what I’m about. That’s my mission; I’m to help get things back to before they went wrong.

Sigh, what a mess. First, we create time, “so we can experience life” and all the lovely things we had created; so we can “experiment.” Except that the experiments were about creating Heaven on Earth. Somewhere along the line, someone forgot to take into account the effect gravity would have on our energies. Didn’t quite think things through all the way…’ll happen…..Suddenly, somehow, we’re not really sure, someone thought up duality.

Everything is one; everything was one; is one; and will forever be one. We are all connected. There is no such thing as time; there is only Now. Nothing is solid; everything is moving.  We are all one, made up of the same stuff. Under the strongest microscope, everything looks the same. Looks the same = is the same.

When we started The Grand Experiment by thinking up time and space we were one and we knew it; we knew all these things and we acted that way. We acted that way………

Well, that’s enough for today……

Thank you, Dear Reader,
With Great Love, Namaste’
❤ LAMP ❤

P.S. I apologize for the lack of photos or graphics; I will add graphics as time allows; for the time being the important thing is to get it written.

P.P.S. I welcome your comments and questions!

Posted in About Me, In the Beginning, Pre-Natal | Tagged , , | Leave a comment